“What a waste of time.”

"真是浪费时间。"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat as we waited for the stage lights to turn on.

我在座位上不自在地挪了挪身子，等着舞台灯光亮起。

“Why do we have to be here?”

"我们为什么非得到这儿来？"

My mood was about as enthusiastic as a man about to walk the plank. I was inwardly groaning, convinced I was about to trade two precious days of my life for nothing. My wife's cousin Jean had invited us to this same event a few months ago, and we had felt obligated to accept. While it hadn't been one of those over-hyped events full of forced positivity, it hadn't impressed me either.

我的心情，大概跟一个即将被推下跳板的人差不多。心里默默抱怨着，确信自己即将白白赔上两天宝贵的生命。太太的表姐琴几个月前邀请我们来过同一场活动，我们碍于情面去了。那并不是那种鼓吹过头、满场强制正能量的场合——但也并没让我觉出多少所以然来。

Here we were, six months later about to see the same speakers, my mind already counting down the minutes until I could escape. As a successful executive and consulting firm owner, I'd been all over the world and heard the most sought-after speakers. My contact list was a who's who of important people and my resume would impress just about anybody. So why did I have to sit through this again?

可现在，六个月之后，我们又坐在这里，准备再看一遍同一批讲者——我的脑子早已开始倒数：还有多久才能脱身？作为一名成功的高管、一家咨询公司的老板，我在世界各地听过最炙手可热的讲者，联络人名单上是一串有头有脸的人物，简历摆在谁面前都算拿得出手。那为什么还要在这儿坐第二遍？

As one speaker named Sophia took to the stage, the audience, smaller this time, welcomed her with a polite round of applause and I settled in for what I hoped would be a quick and painless event.

当一位名叫 Sophia 的讲者走上舞台时，台下的观众这一回少了些，用一阵礼貌的掌声迎接她。我靠回座椅，希望这是一场又快又无痛的活动。

I was prepared to be bored. I was prepared to be unimpressed. Instead, I was totally humbled.

我早就做好了感到无聊的准备，做好了不以为然的准备。然而，我却被彻底折服了。

I had walked in thinking I knew everything. I walked out wondering if I knew anything at all.

走进场时，我自以为什么都懂；走出场时，我却开始怀疑自己到底懂些什么。

§ 01 — OriginsMy Wake-Up Call.

§ 01 — 起源我的觉醒之刻。

I was born in a small city in China in the '70s. No one was terribly rich or terribly poor and most worked for a state-owned enterprise. My father, on the other hand, wanted something different and became one of the first solo entrepreneurs in our region. Against all odds, he left a comfortable corporate position and built a successful business in the construction industry. He had no schooling or architect experience but set his mind to connecting with people who did and learning everything he could.

我生在七十年代的中国一座小城。没有谁特别富，也没有谁特别穷，大多数人在国企里上班。我父亲不一样——他想要另一种活法，成了我们那片最早的个体户之一。他毅然离开了让人艳羡的体面职位，在建筑行业里一点点做起了自己的生意。他既没读过什么书，也没做过建筑师，却铁了心要去认识那些懂行的人，把该学的全学回来。

When it was time for me to choose a profession, I decided to become an engineer.

轮到我选一门职业的时候，我决定去做工程师。

I was an avid gamer, put together my first PC myself in 1997 and it was through gaming that I learned to read and speak English. That skill allowed me to secure a high-profile job in the IT industry as a specialist for IBM and a liaison between Shenzhen and English-speaking partners around the globe. Eventually, I came to the United States and received a job offer in a leadership position even though I was only in my early twenties.

我是个铁杆游戏迷——1997 年就自己组装了人生第一台 PC，而我的英文读写能力，也是在玩游戏的过程里一点点磨出来的。这项能力为我赢得了 IT 行业里一份显眼的工作：IBM 的专业技术顾问，深圳与全球英语合作方之间的那道桥。最终，我来到美国，在刚过二十出头的年纪，拿到了一份管理岗的 offer。

I found myself at a young age being involved in high-profile, multimillion-dollar projects with executives who had thirty years more experience than I did. As the project succeeded and my reputation grew, so did my ego.

年纪轻轻，我已经身处动辄数百万美金的大项目里，身边的高管都比我多出三十年资历。项目一个接一个跑通，名声也越积越大——与之同步膨胀的，是我的自我。

So, in 2015, when my wife and I sat in the audience for a second time to hear the speaker, I was not there to learn from the session, but to endure it and if I'm honest, critique it.

所以，2015 年，当我和太太第二次坐在台下听那位讲者时，我并不是来向这场课程学什么的——我是来熬完它的；老实说，更是来挑它的毛病的。

Instead, I was blown away. Her tone, body language, and confidence were totally transformed. The message of the session was delivered in powerful stories that captivated my attention. I found myself asking questions, chatting with other audience members and eager to make new connections.

然而，我被震住了。她的语气、肢体、自信——整个人都变了个样。课程的内容以一串极有分量的故事徐徐铺陈，紧紧抓住了我的注意力。不知不觉中，我开始发问，和身边的听众聊起来，忍不住想结识更多人。

That's when it hit me.

就在那一刻，我被击中了。

In six months, this person had learned something that caused a drastic change in her public speaking abilities. She knew something I didn't — and it bothered me!

六个月的时间里，这个人学到了某种东西，使她的公众表达能力发生了翻天覆地的变化。她知道一些我不知道的事——而这件事，让我很不是滋味！

I was humbled, but more than that, I was awake. I didn't know everything after all.

我被折服了，但比这更要紧的是——我醒了。原来，我并非无所不知。

For true leaders, school is always in session. The most successful people are willing to put down their egos and learn.

对真正的领袖而言，课堂永远没有关闭的时候。最成功的人，都愿意把自我放下——然后去学。

The zeros in my bank account and my frequent flier miles meant nothing if I had stopped growing as a person.

账户里的那些零，和积攒下来的飞行里程，如果我作为一个人已经停止生长，那就一文不值。

I became a student again, an explorer of human behavior and potential, and in doing so, the next step of my journey was revealed to me.

我再次成为学生——一名人之行为与潜能的探索者。就在这条选择里，人生的下一程向我显露了出来。

§ 02 — AwakeningTo Expand Your Mind, You Have to Lose It First.

§ 02 — 觉醒要放开心胸，先要放下自我。

I didn't sleep much that night. My mind was buzzing with a new awareness, and I spent hours sifting through my experiences and connecting dots. For years I had been laser focused on climbing the corporate ladder, stayed in five-star hotels and rubbed elbows with the most well-known people in the tech industry. Here I was, in my early thirties already at the top of my career. What now?

那一夜，我几乎没睡。脑子里嗡嗡作响，一种新的觉知让我在过去这些年的经验里翻来翻去——把零散的点，一个个连成线。多年来，我一门心思爬组织的梯子，住五星酒店，与科技行业里最响亮的那些名字擦肩而过。而现在，才三十出头，就已经站在事业的顶端。然后呢？

What do you do when you've already hit every goal you set for yourself?

当你为自己设下的每一个目标都已达成，接下来还能做什么？

You learn.

——你去学。

I decided it was time for a new journey. I became an earnest student of philosophy and psychology, poured over the work and research of people like Chris Voss and Carl Rogers and finally understood how learning and listening were the most vital skillsets in communication. Not only that, but they were skills anyone could learn.

我决定重新上路。我成了一名认真的哲学与心理学学生，一头扎进 Chris Voss（克里斯·沃斯）、Carl Rogers（卡尔·罗杰斯）等人的著作与研究里，终于明白了：学习与倾听，才是沟通里最要紧的一组能力。——而且，这是一种任何人都能学会的能力。

I had heard the stereotypes. Heck, I had been the stereotype. There was a pervasive assumption that IT nerds were terrible communicators, best left to do their work behind the computer. These days, it's not just techies that struggle to communicate effectively, it's most of us.

那些刻板印象我听过不少——见鬼，我自己就曾是那个刻板印象。流行的看法是：技术宅天生不会沟通，最好让他们老老实实躲在电脑后面做事。但今天，沟通困难的已经不只是技术人了——而是我们大多数人。

Technology has connected the entire world digitally while at the same time leaving us woefully disconnected from each other. We rant, comment, get offended, and are quick to post our opinions but what we don't do enough of is listen and learn.

科技让整个世界在数字层面紧紧相连，却让我们在彼此之间断得可怜。我们抱怨、评论、动辄被冒犯、急于发表观点——但我们做得远远不够的，是倾听与学习。

I decided to be a force for good in helping people learn and started an organization called Apex Learn. Our mission is to inspire a passion for adult learning, empowering people to grow as individuals and seek opportunities to expand their minds as a bridge to expanding their experience of life!

我决定在"帮人学习"这件事上做一股向善的力量，创办了一家名为 Apex Learn（登峰学园）的机构。我们的使命，是让一份对成人学习的热情重新被点燃——赋能每一个人作为独立个体去成长，去寻找那些能把心胸撑开的机会——把它当作通往更辽阔人生体验的一座桥。

It's a win-win for me, as research shows that the best way to learn is to teach. By teaching people how to learn and listen, I become a better listener myself. My world has evolved since my commitment to banishing my ego to the back and looking away from what I already knew. We can become so attached to the knowledge we've already acquired that we fail to notice the potential for learning more. Our minds contract to fit around our current knowledge base until we commit to our own expansion.

对我来说这是一件双赢的事：研究早已表明，学一件事最好的方法，就是去教它。当我教别人如何学习与倾听时，我自己也在变成一个更好的倾听者。自从我决意把自我搁到一边、放下我原本以为知道的东西，我的世界就一直在变。我们可以对已有的知识如此执着，以至于完全看不见还有什么可学。我们的心智会自动收缩，贴着已有知识的边缘走——直到我们决定让自己再次扩张。

That's the secret not just to success in business, but to fulfilling relationships and dynamic lives of curiosity and wonder. Forget everything you know long enough to make space for what you don't.

这不仅是商场上成功的秘密，也是让一段关系真正充盈、让一段生活在好奇与惊喜中持续流动的秘密。把你所知的一切暂且放下，放得够久——久到足以为那些你尚未知道的事腾出空间。

And when people say you are out of your mind — take it as a compliment. It takes years if not a lifetime to master it!

当有人说你"疯了"——请把它当作赞美。要把这门功课修到家，需要多年，甚至一辈子！

§ 03 — Core SkillsThe Lost Art of Listening.

§ 03 — 核心能力那门失传的倾听之艺。

There is a backward hierarchy for success that encourages us to focus on tools and techniques first, and then methodology and principles.

通往成功的顺序，今日变得有些颠倒：我们被鼓励先去抓工具和技法，再去谈方法论和原则。

Methodology and principles should come first. It feels counter-intuitive in a competitive world, but companies are now hiring talent based on soft skills, and not enough applicants have them! In fact, a LinkedIn report from 2023 highlighted that 92 percent of hiring managers consider soft skills as important or more important than hard skills.

方法论与原则，应当先行。在一个竞争激烈的世界里，这听上去似乎有些反常——但现在的公司，越来越按"软实力"来招人了；而达到要求的候选人远远不够！2023 年领英（LinkedIn）的一份报告就显示：92% 的招聘经理认为，软实力与硬技能同样重要，甚至更重要。

The reason most people haven't mastered soft skills is because we call them “soft,” and “soft” carries an undeserved connotation of “less valuable.”

大多数人没能掌握软实力，只因我们把它叫做"软"——而"软"这个字，背了一层它不该背的意味："不那么有价值"。

Empathy, listening, emotional intelligence and communication are not soft skills, they are core skills, and without them the interpersonal relationships that are vital to success will suffer and eventually die out.

共情、倾听、情商、沟通——都不是什么软实力，而是核心能力；没有它们，那些对成功至关重要的关系会一点点受损，最终枯萎。

Still not convinced?

还不信？

Richard Branson dropped out of school at sixteen, but his creativity and people skills helped him build a global empire.

理查德·布兰森十六岁辍学，却凭借创造力与与人打交道的能力，撑起了一个横跨全球的商业帝国。

Steve Jobs dropped out of college and had very little technical training but his ability to inspire people, along with visionary leadership skills revolutionized the world!

史蒂夫·乔布斯在大学里没读完就走了，技术训练寥寥——但他激励人心的本事，加上远见式的领导力，改写了整个世界！

Core skills are a lost art and reclaiming them is the secret to strategic success. Here are what I call the core four.

核心能力，是一门正在失传的艺术。把它们找回来——才是"战略性成功"的真正秘密。下面，就是我所说的核心四件事。

Curiosity

好奇

Samuel Johnson wrote that “curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.”

塞缪尔·约翰逊曾写道："好奇，是一个生机勃勃的心智最恒久、最确切的特征之一。"

Even Einstein said he didn't have any special talents but was passionately curious.

连爱因斯坦也说过，他并没有什么特别的天赋——只是怀着一腔澎湃的好奇。

Curiosity is one of the cornerstones of success. The more curious you are about other people, their values, their desires and their experience of the world, the more likely you are to be able to provide value, find common ground and expand your own understanding of any situation.

好奇，是成功的一块基石。你对别人——他们的价值观、他们的渴望、他们对这个世界的体验——越是好奇，就越有可能给出价值、找到共识，并拓开自己对整件事的理解。

For every negotiation, business or personal, there are an endless number of perspectives, and curiosity is the roadmap that helps you navigate the terrain of biases, subtle nuances and even fear so that you can zero in on a solution.

每一场谈判，无论商业的还是生活里的，都对应着无数个视角；而好奇，正是那张地图，带你穿越偏见、微妙的纹理，甚至恐惧，让你一步步锁定一个真正的解。

There is a pervasive belief that we demonstrate intelligence by expounding on subjects we are well versed in when actually we demonstrate intelligence by asking questions.

有一种流行的误会：我们靠在熟悉的话题上滔滔不绝来显出聪明。其实，真正显出聪明的方式，是提问。

Our level of intellect is undoubtedly tied to our willingness to admit we know nothing and to seek further understanding.

我们智识的高度，毫无疑问系于这样一件事——我们是否愿意承认自己什么都不懂，并继续追寻更深的理解。

Optimism

乐观

Contrary to popular belief, we are not born as either positive or negative people and even life circumstances cannot dictate our disposition. Optimism is a skill set that can be learned.

和流行的看法相反——我们并非天生就是积极或消极的人，连生活的境遇也决定不了我们的倾向。乐观，是一套可以被习得的能力。

If you're put in an environment with four or five other people who are optimistic, you can get curious about why they are, and what possible outcomes they see that you don't. You can also shift your belief around uncertainty. A lot of people we work with at Apex Learn find uncertainty to be a very uncomfortable place and a lack of clarity often leads to a negative outlook.

如果你被放进一个有四五位乐观者的环境里，你大可带着好奇去问：他们为什么乐观？他们看到了哪些你还没看见的可能？你也可以顺势调整自己对"不确定"的看法。登峰学园里很多来找我们合作的人，都发现"不确定"是一个非常别扭的地方——而那种缺乏清晰感的状态，往往把人推向消极的一边。

But as Rainer Marie Rilke wrote, we must try to “love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue.” Optimism comes from viewing uncertainty as a gift of discovery.

正如里尔克所写的那样，我们必须努力去"爱这些问题本身——像爱那些上了锁的房间，像爱那些用一门极陌生的语言写就的书"。乐观，来自于一种视角——把"不确定"看作发现的馈赠。

After all, when nothing is certain, anything is possible.

毕竟，当没有一件事是确定的——那就万事皆有可能。

Reflection

反思

We are living in a world of emojis and abbreviations. Spend ten minutes on social media, and you might feel like you are trying to decipher a new language. We have become a society of shortcuts and have moved away from the power of the written word. Writing, however, is one of the best mediums for reflection. Writing forces us to slow our thinking and examine our emotions. In reading what we've written, we can identify patterns, connect dots and gather insights into some of our most complicated problems.

我们生活在一个由表情符号和缩写构成的世界。花十分钟刷社交媒体，你大概会有种在解一门新语言的错觉。我们变成了一个崇尚捷径的社会，而离"文字"本身的力量越来越远。但写作，至今仍是一条最好的反思之路。写作逼着我们把思维放慢，把情绪看清。在回读自己写下的东西时，我们得以看见模式，把点连成线，为那些最纠缠的问题，捕到一束束洞见。

The practice of writing was valued by some of the greatest thinkers of our time. The Roman philosopher Seneca used writing to refine his Stoic principles, and Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor, kept a journal that became Meditations, a profound collection of personal reflections that continues to inspire readers to this day.

写作这门功课，被人类历史上某些最深邃的心灵所看重。罗马哲学家塞涅卡以写作来打磨他的斯多葛原则；而罗马皇帝马可·奥勒留则留下一本私人日记——后来以《沉思录》之名流传于世，一册充盈着个人反思的集子，直到今日仍在震动读者。

Writing creates a stream of consciousness in which judgment and filters are removed, allowing for the purest thoughts to come through — our ideas, desires and our truth!

写作，造出一条意识之流——评判与过滤被卸下，最纯粹的念头得以浮出水面：我们的想法、我们的欲望，以及属于我们自己的真相！

Empathy

共情

There is perhaps no greater core skill than that of empathy. Whether it's in a diverse workplace or the comfort of your living room, empathy allows you to understand the feelings of others, a quality that is essential for establishing trust and forging strong connections. When another person feels your genuine interest and concern, they're more likely to be honest and generous in their communication. That of course opens the door for you to learn more and give back.

或许没有哪项核心能力，比得上共情。无论在一个多元化的职场里，还是在你自家客厅的舒适里，共情让你读懂他人的感受——这是建立信任、铸就稳固连接不可或缺的一项品质。当另一个人感受到你那份真诚的关切与好奇，他们往往会更愿意坦白、更慷慨地开口。而这，自然就为你打开了一扇门：你得以学到更多，也能反过来给回更多。

By appreciating and understanding different perspectives, we can respond thoughtfully and make decisions that consider the well-being of everyone involved. Empathy is the bridge that connects you to other people. There can be no leadership, no teamwork, no successful relationship without it.

当我们懂得珍视并理解不同的视角，就能更深思熟虑地回应，也能在决策时把每一个相关者的福祉一并放进天平。共情，是连接你与他人之间的那座桥。没有它，就没有领导力，没有团队协作，也没有任何一段能真正长久的关系。

§ 04 — MethodBut How Do You Do It?

§ 04 — 方法但要如何做到？

Typically, when a new member joins us, they're at a crossroads. It's time for a career change, or they have a growing desire to live with purpose and intention. The hard part isn't knowing that they want something but figuring out what that something is!

一般来说，一位新成员加入我们的时候，都正站在一个十字路口上——该换份工作了，或是心里那份想"带着目的与意图生活"的渴望越来越大。真正难的，不是知道"自己想要点什么"，而是搞清楚那"什么"究竟是什么！

Luckily, we have a proven system to help them.

所幸的是，我们有一套已被反复验证过的方法，来帮他们一步步走下去。

To truly understand what drives someone, we first help them clarify their top five values. Often we mistakenly believe our values are of equal importance. We experience tension when decisions force us to prioritize one value over another. Not everything is equally important, and in any given pair of values, one will always take precedence. Identifying your top value with crystal clarity is essential.

要真正理解一个人被什么所驱动，我们首先帮他厘清自己的五大价值观。我们常误以为这些价值观重要性相当——可当决策逼我们在其中选一个时，张力就浮现了。并不是每一件事都同等重要；任何一对价值观里，总有一个占先。把你最看重的那一个，清清楚楚地辨认出来——是至关紧要的事。

Next, we invite our members to consider what keeps them up at night — what are the obstacles and sources of misery that you face? These challenges are often directly tied to your values, as they challenge or threaten them. By pinpointing the one or two things that truly disturb your peace, you become more motivated to create change.

接下来，我们请成员们想一想——什么会让你夜里睡不着？你当下面对的阻碍与困苦，究竟是什么？这些挑战，往往直接扣在你的价值观之上——要么挑战它，要么威胁它。把那一两件真正扰乱你内心安宁的事钉死，你去改变的动力，就会被真正激活。

Then, it's about leveraging your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and it's crucial to connect your strengths to the problems you want to solve. Core values are what make your strengths effective here. If you rely too heavily on hard skills without aligning them with your core values, success will feel empty.

再往下，就是怎样把你的长处调动起来。每个人都有长处也有短板，而关键一步，是把你的长处与你想解决的问题接上。真正让长处在这里生效的，是你的核心价值观。如果你过度倚仗硬技能，却没有把它们和价值观对齐，你所赢得的成功，会显得空空荡荡。

Finally, reflecting on what worked and what didn't is vital. When we analyze outcomes, we often find ourselves more sensitive to emotions than reasonable in our judgments, especially when working with someone we care about. It's easy to let feelings take over and sideline logical thinking. That's why it's important to take a step back, reflect carefully, and make adjustments as needed. This way, you can really understand what happened and move forward in a more effective way.

最后，对"什么做成了、什么没做成"做一番反思——至关重要。当我们复盘结果时，很容易在判断里被情绪压过理性，尤其是当对方是一个我们在意的人。情绪一旦上头，逻辑思考就容易被搁到一边。正因如此，退一步、认真反思、在必要之处做调整——这件事必须认真做。这样，你才能真正理解事情是如何发生的，并以更有效的姿态，把下一步走出去。

§ 05 — BecomingChange is a Choice.

§ 05 — 成为改变是一种选择。

If a techie like me — a high-flying guru engineer who once thought he knew everything — can transform into an empathetic, curious, and eager learner, then anyone can. I changed my entire life by embracing the art of active listening, empathy, and a relentless commitment to growth. The key is to keep expanding your mind, infusing your work with passion and love, and in doing so, discover your true self.

如果像我这样一个技术出身的人——一个曾经自以为无所不知、在高空飞行的"技术大师"——都能蜕变成一个懂得共情、怀着好奇、渴望学习的人——那么任何人都可以。我是怎么改变了自己整个人生的？靠的是把主动倾听、共情，以及那份对成长毫不松懈的承诺——一并接了下来。真正的关键，是让心胸不停舒展，让热忱与爱注入你所做的事——而在这件事里，你会一步步找到那个真实的自己。

As you collaborate with others, not only will you create soul-stirring masterpieces that align with your purpose, but you'll contribute to building a better society. My personal and professional journeys have taken me all over the world. Yet, it was my journey from knowledge to wisdom that opened a new world for me.

在你与他人协作的过程中，你不只会造出那些与你的志业共振、令人灵魂震颤的作品，你也正在为一个更好的社会添一块砖。个人和职业上的旅程，已经把我带去世界的许多角落。然而，真正把一个新世界推开在我面前的，是那段从"知识"走向"智慧"的路。

Imagine that life is a game. Every moment we can choose to be a character in that game whose movements and decisions are at the mercy of a controller, or we can become the controller, building worlds and wielding power. The best-case scenario, however, is when the character and the controller collide into a single being.

把人生想象成一场游戏吧。每一刻，我们都可以选择：去做一个任由手柄摆布、其动作与抉择都受制于人的角色——或是，成为那个手柄本身，去构筑世界，去挥洒力量。但最好的情形是——当那个角色与那个手柄碰撞、合并，成为同一个生命。

It's only in taking the game controller and becoming the driver of our own destiny that we can hear the calling that is uniquely meant for us. We can jump levels and enter new worlds. We can look for sources of power and respawn again and again as wiser versions of ourselves.

只有当我们接过那个手柄，成为自己命运的驾驶者，我们才能听见那一声只对我们说出的召唤。我们可以跨关升级，进入新的世界。我们可以寻找能量的源头，一次又一次——以更智慧一些的自己——重新登场。

In that moment of courageous synchronicity, you are both the artist and the player.

在那个勇敢的同步之刻——你既是艺术家，也是玩家。

You are the writer and the book. And you can both create the game and win it.

你既是作者，也是那本书。而你——既能创造这场游戏，也能赢下它。