ACTIVE LISTENING IS a short 1957 work by Drs. Carl R. Rogers and Richard E. Farson, two influential American psychologists. The work brings the counselling technique of active listening to the layperson, demonstrating how it can be applied to interactions between an employee and employer. In 2022, an Aeon.co article by British nonfiction author M M Owen, captivated me and reminded me how much Rogers’ work “A way of Being” shaped my views on personal growth and education. By no means I’m eligible to write a forward for this great work, nor am I in any professional capacity to link my work with any psychology professionals especially great minds like Dr. Rogers, but I felt obligated to share this with my team and broader audience, so that more people can be equipped with the skill to have a meaningful conversation, building connection and cultivating trust in a world that is more complex than 70 years ago and demand more collaboration.

《主动倾听》是一部 1957 年的小书，作者是两位极具影响力的美国心理学家——卡尔·R·罗杰斯博士与理查德·E·法森博士。他们把"主动倾听"这门心理咨询里的技法，带给每一个普通读者，并具体示范了它如何运用到雇员与雇主之间的日常往来里。2022 年，英国非虚构作家 M. M. Owen 在 Aeon.co 上写的一篇文章把我深深吸引，也让我重新想起：罗杰斯那本《成为一个人》当年是怎样深刻塑造了我对个人成长与教育的看法。我毫无资格为这样一部伟大的著作作序，更无任何专业身份能把自己的工作与罗杰斯博士这类大家相连；但我觉得自己有一份不得不去做的义务，把它带到我的团队与更广阔的读者面前——好让更多人具备"展开一场有意义对话"的能力：在一个比七十年前更复杂、也更呼唤协作的世界里，去建立连接、去培育信任。

Active Listening describes a method of communication used in counselling and conflict resolution. Rather than serving as a passive participant in a conversation, active listeners take a functional role in helping the speaker to work out their issues. As the speaker shares, the listener repeats back what they’ve heard in their own words. This both confirms that they’ve heard the speaker and verifies that they understand.

《主动倾听》所描述的，是一种用于心理咨询与冲突调解的沟通方法。主动倾听者并不甘于充当对话里的被动一方——他扮演的，是一种功能性的角色：协助说话者把自己的困扰一点点理清楚。在对方倾诉的过程中，倾听者会用自己的话把听到的内容转述回去。此举一来向对方确认："我真的在听你"；二来也验证自己——"我是否真的听懂了"。

Unlike the way many of us instinctively communicate— trying to get another to see things from our own perspective — active listening requires that we see things from the speaker’s perspective. The listener must address not only the meaning of the words, but also the feeling behind them, in order to make the speaker truly feel heard. These feelings can be conveyed through words, tone, volume, body language, and even breathing.

这与我们大多数人本能中的沟通方式恰恰相反——我们本能地想让对方从"我的角度"去看事情；而主动倾听要求的，是让"我"从对方的角度去看事情。倾听者所回应的，不只是话语的字面含义，还要一并读出字面之下的情感——这样，说话者才会真正感到被听见。这些情感，可由言辞、语气、音量、肢体动作，甚至呼吸之间所透露。

In contracts to many psychological texts, Active Listening is written for the non-clinician or psychologist. In plain, everyday language, the book explains both the concepts of active listening and how they can be applied to the workplace. Employers who engage in active listening, the book argues, can help employees to become more cooperative, less argumentative, and clearer in their own communication. While the book is written in the context of the employee/employer relationship, the technique can be applied to all relationships in our lives.

与许多心理学著作不同，《主动倾听》是为非临床工作者、非心理学家的普通读者而写的。它用朴实的日常语言，把主动倾听的概念本身，以及如何将其用进职场，一并讲清。书中主张：凡是愿意在日常工作中行主动倾听的雇主，都能帮助他们的员工变得更合作、更少争辩、在沟通里也更清楚。虽然书的讨论是放在"雇员—雇主"这一关系里的，但这门技法，可用于我们生活中几乎一切的关系。

The concept is still highly influential, and Drs. Rogers and Farson’s ideas about client-centered psychology are used in clinical practice today.

其影响至今仍在——罗杰斯与法森两位博士关于"当事人中心心理学"的思想，直到今天依然活跃地应用于临床实践。

Tony Zhang June 2022 in Apex NC

张涛 · 2022 年 6 月于美国北卡 Apex

ONE BASIC RESPONSIBILITY of the supervisor or executive is the development, adjustment, and integration of individual employees. He tries to develop employee potential, delegate responsibility, and achieve co-operation. To do so, he must have, among other abilities, the ability to listen intelligently and carefully to those with whom he works.

管理者或主管的一项基本职责，是促成每一位员工个体的发展、适应与融入。他要去培育员工的潜力、合理分配责任、促进协作。要做到这些，在其他能力之外，他必须具备一种能力——能够聪明而细致地倾听那些与他共事的人。

There are, however, many kinds of listening skills. The lawyer, for example, when questioning a witness, listens for contradictions, irrelevancies, errors, and weaknesses. But this is not the kind of listening skill we are concerned with in this booklet. The lawyer usually is not listening in order to help the witness adjust or cooperate or produce. On the other hand, we will be concerned. With listening skills which will help employees gain a clearer understanding of their situations, take responsibility, and cooperate with each other.

两个例子

TWO EXAMPLES

两个例子

The kind of listening we have in mind is called ‘active listening’. It is called ‘active’ because the listener has a very definite responsibility. He does not passively absorb the words which are spoken to him. He actively tries to grasp the facts and the feelings in what he hears, and he tries, by his listening, to help the speaker work out his own problems.

我们所说的这一种倾听，叫做"主动倾听"。之所以称其"主动"，是因为倾听者背负着一份非常明确的责任。他并非被动地吸收对方讲出的话。他在主动地抓取所听见之话语里的事实与情感；他在通过倾听，协助对方梳理出自己的问题。

To get a fuller picture of what is meant by active listening, let us consider two different approaches to the same work problem.

为了让"主动倾听"究竟是什么意思这个画面更完整，我们来看看同一个工作上的难题，两种不同的应对。

Example No. 1

例一

FOREMAN: Hey, al, i don't get this production order. We can't handle this run today. what do they think we are?

主管：那是你该和他们摆平的事，不是我。

SUPERVISOR: But that's the order. So get it out as soon as you can. we're under terrific pressure this week.

例二

FOREMAN: Don't they know we're behind schedule already because of that press breakdown?

工头：嘿，Ross，这张生产单我没看懂。今天跑不下来这批货。他们把我们当什么了？

SUPERVISOR: Look, Kelly, i don't decide what goes on upstairs. i just have to see that the work gets out and that's what i'm gonna do.

主管：听起来你为这事挺憋屈的，Kelly。

FOREMAN: The guys aren't gonna like this.

工头：可不是。压机坏了那一回的进度，我们刚把它补回来——紧跟着这单又来了。

SUPERVISOR: That's something you'll have to work out with them, not me.

主管：感觉活儿已经够多了，是不是？

Example No. 2

例二

FOREMAN: Hey, Ross, I don't get this production order. We can't handle this run today. What do they think we are?

工头：真的不想。他们今天已经很紧了。好像我们这儿什么事都得赶、赶、赶。

SUPERVISOR: Sounds like you're pretty sore about it, Kelly.

主管：你大概觉得，再给他们加担子，有点不公平。

FOREMAN: I sure am. We were just about getting back to schedule after that press breakdown. Now this comes along.

工头：可不是。压机坏了那一回的进度，我们刚把它补回来——紧跟着这单又来了。

SUPERVISOR: As if you didn't have enough work to do, huh?

主动倾听并不意味着一定要花一大段时间去听对方倒苦水——无论公事私事。它只是我们应对那些每天在工作中自然冒出的难题的一种姿态。要让这种姿态真正起效，它必须牢牢扎在使用者的基本态度之中。

FOREMAN: Yeah. I don't know how I'm gonna tell the guys about this.

要让主动倾听真正奏效，它必须稳稳地扎在使用者的基本态度之中。我们无法只把它当作一门"技法"去套用——如果我们内心深处的态度，跟它背后的理念是相冲突的。硬去套，行为会显得空洞而无生气；身边的同事会很快看穿这一点。除非我们能真实地展现一种精神——真心尊重每一个体的潜在价值，认真对待他的权利，并信任他有能力走自己的路——否则，我们根本没资格当一个有效的倾听者。

SUPERVISOR: Hate to face ‘em with it now, is that it?

主管：现在不想去面对他们，是这意思吗？

FOREMAN: I really do. They're under a real strain today. Seems like everything we do around here is rush, rush.

当一个人被敏感地倾听时，他也更能用心倾听自己——把自己的感受与想法说得更清楚。小组成员之间会更愿意彼此倾听，争辩变少，更愿意把别人的观点纳入自己的思考。因为倾听减弱了"我的想法会被批评"这种威胁感，每个人反而更能看清自己观点的本来面目，也更容易感到自己的发言是有价值的。

SUPERVISOR: I guess you feel like it's unfair to load anything more on them.

倾听所产生的一项同样重要的结果，是发生在倾听者自己身上的那份改变。除了"倾听提供的信息比任何其他活动都多"这个事实之外，它还会建立起深厚、积极的关系，并以一种建设性的方式，改变倾听者自己的态度。倾听，是一场成长的历练。

FOREMAN: Well, yeah. I know there must be plenty of pressure on everybody up the line, but--well, li that's the way it is... guess I’d better get the word to ‘em.

以上，就是主动倾听能给我们带来的一些值得去追寻的结果。但——我们该如何去实行这一种倾听？我们如何才能成为一位主动倾听者？

There are obviously many differences between these two examples. The main one, however, is that Ross, the supervisor in the second example is using the active-listening approach. He is listening and responding in a way that makes it clear that he appreciates both the meaning and the feeling behind what Kelly is saying.

这两个例子之间显然有许多不同。但其中最要紧的一个差别是：例二里的主管 Ross 在做"主动倾听"。他留意着一切显露出 Kelly 情感的信号——说话的方式、字词的着重、面部表情、整个人的气息——并以一种"我听见你在感受的是什么"的方式回应。这当然不是说管理者就得当业余心理学家。它的意思是：任何一位真正起作用的领导者，都应当把主动倾听当作一项经常性的动作。

Active listening does not necessarily mean long sessions spent listening to grievances, personal or otherwise. It is simply a way of approaching those problems which arise out of the usual day-to-day events of any job.

主动倾听并不意味着一定要花一大段时间去听对方倒苦水——无论公事私事。它只是我们应对那些每天在工作中自然冒出的难题的一种姿态。要让这种姿态真正起效，它必须牢牢扎在使用者的基本态度之中。

To be effective, active listening must be firmly grounded in the basic attitudes of the user. We cannot employ it as a technique li our fundamental attitudes are in conflict with its basic concepts. If we try, our behavior will be empty and sterile and our associates will be quick to recognize this. Until we can demonstrate a spirit which genuinely respects the potential worth of the individual, which considers his rights and trusts his capacity for self-direction, we cannot begin to be effective listeners.

要让主动倾听真正奏效，它必须稳稳地扎在使用者的基本态度之中。我们无法只把它当作一门"技法"去套用——如果我们内心深处的态度，跟它背后的理念是相冲突的。硬去套，行为会显得空洞而无生气；身边的同事会很快看穿这一点。除非我们能真实地展现一种精神——真心尊重每一个体的潜在价值，认真对待他的权利，并信任他有能力走自己的路——否则，我们根本没资格当一个有效的倾听者。

WHAT WE ACHIEVE BY LISTENING

倾听让我们收获了什么

Active listening is an important way to bring about changes in people. Despite the popular notion that listening is a passive approach, clinical and research evidence clearly shows that sensitive listening is a most effective agent for individual personality change and group development. Listening brings about changes in people's attitudes toward themselves and others, and also brings about changes in their basic values and personal philosophy. People who have been listened to in this new and special way become more emotionally mature, more open to their experiences, less defensive, more democratic, and less authoritarian.

主动倾听，是引发一个人改变的一条重要路径。尽管大众印象里"倾听"总被当成一种被动姿态，但临床与研究的证据都清清楚楚地说明：一种敏感的倾听，是促成个人人格改变与群体发展的最有效因子之一。倾听会让人对自己、对他人的态度发生变化，也会让他基本的价值观与为人处事的哲学发生转变。以这种新颖而特别的方式被倾听过的人，会变得在情感上更成熟，对自身经验更开放，更少防御、更加民主、也更少专断。

When people are listened to sensitively, they tend to listen to themselves with more care and make clear exactly what they are feeling and thinking. Group members tend to listen more to each other, become less argumentative, more ready to incorporate other points of view. Because listening reduces the threat of having one's ideas criticized, the person is better able to see them for what they are, and is more likely to feel that his contributions are worthwhile.

当一个人被敏感地倾听时，他也更能用心倾听自己——把自己的感受与想法说得更清楚。小组成员之间会更愿意彼此倾听，争辩变少，更愿意把别人的观点纳入自己的思考。因为倾听减弱了"我的想法会被批评"这种威胁感，每个人反而更能看清自己观点的本来面目，也更容易感到自己的发言是有价值的。

Not the least important result of listening is the change that takes place within the listener himself. Besides the fact that listening provides more information than any other activity, it builds deep, positive relation- ships and tends to alter constructively the attitudes of the listener. Listening is a growth experience.

倾听所产生的一项同样重要的结果，是发生在倾听者自己身上的那份改变。除了"倾听提供的信息比任何其他活动都多"这个事实之外，它还会建立起深厚、积极的关系，并以一种建设性的方式，改变倾听者自己的态度。倾听，是一场成长的历练。

These, then, are some of the worthwhile results we can expect from active listening. But how do we go about this kind of listening? How do we become active listeners?

以上，就是主动倾听能给我们带来的一些值得去追寻的结果。但——我们该如何去实行这一种倾听？我们如何才能成为一位主动倾听者？

ACTIVE LISTENING AIMS to bring about changes in people. To achieve this end, it relies upon definite techniques—things to do and things to avoid doing. Before discussing these techniques, however, we should first under- stand why they are effective. To do so, we must understand how the indi- vidual personality develops.

主动倾听，旨在引发人的改变。为了达成这个目的，它依赖于一组明确的技法——一些要做的事，和一些要避免做的事。但在讨论这些技法之前，我们首先得弄明白：为什么它们能起效？要弄明白这一点，我们就必须先懂得：一个人的人格，是如何生长起来的。

THE GROWTH OF THE INDIVIDUAL

个体的生长

Through all of our lives, from early childhood on, we have learned to think of ourselves in certain, very definite ways. We have built up pictures of ourselves. Sometimes these self-pictures are pretty realistic but at other times they are not. For example, an over-age, over-weight lady may fancy herself a youthful, ravishing siren, or an awkward teen- ager regard himself as a star athlete.

从小到大，我们一直在学习以某种——相当确定的——方式去看自己。我们一点点为自己构筑了一张"自我画像"。这张画像有时相当贴合实际，有时却并不。例如，一位上了年纪、体重偏重的女士，可能在心里把自己想象成一位青春动人的美人；一个动作笨拙的少年，则可能把自己当作体育明星。

All of us have experiences which fit the way we need to think about ourselves. These we accept. But it is much harder to accept experiences which don't fit. And sometimes, if it is very important for us to hang on to this self-picture, we don't accept or admit these experiences at all.

在我们所有的经验里，那些合乎"我们希望如何看自己"的，我们都接纳；但那些不合的，接纳起来就难得多。有时，当我们特别需要紧紧抓住某张"自我画像"时，那些与它不合的经验，我们干脆不承认、不接纳。

These self-pictures are not necessarily attractive. A man, for ex- ample, may regard himself as incompetent and worthless. He may feel that he is doing his job poorly.in spite of favorable appraisals by the company. As long as he has these feelings about himself he must deny any experiences which would seem not to fit this self-picture, in this case any that at might indicate to him that he is competent. It is so necessary for him to maintain this self-picture that he is threatened by anything which would tend to change it. Thus, when the company raises his salary, it may seem to him only additional proof that he is a fraud. He must hold onto this self-picture, because, bad or good, it's the only thing he has by which he can identify himself.

这些"自我画像"并不见得都是好看的。比如，一个人可能认定自己是"无能且无价值的"。他可能觉得自己工作做得很糟糕——哪怕公司对他评价不错。只要他还死抓着这样一种关于自己的感受，任何有可能不合这幅画像的经验——在这里，是任何显示他"其实挺能干"的经验——他都必须否认。他必须如此执着地维护这张画像，以至于任何可能改变它的东西，对他都构成威胁。当公司给他加薪时，这在他看来，反倒成了"我果然是个骗局"的又一个证据。他必须死守住这张画像，因为——无论它好坏——这是他赖以辨认自己的唯一凭据。

This is why direct attempts to change this individual or change his self-picture are particularly threatening. He is forced to defend himself or to completely deny the experience. This denial of experience and defense of the self-picture tend to bring on rigidity of behavior and create difficulties in personal adjustment.

所以，直接去试图改变这个人、或改变他对自己的那张画像——会显得格外带有威胁性。他会被逼着去防御，或干脆彻底否认经验。这种对经验的否认、对自我画像的防御，往往会带来行为上的僵硬，也让他在个人适应层面陷入困境。

The active-listening approach, on the other hand, ·does not present a threat to the individual's self-picture. He does not have to defend it. He is able to explore it, see it for what it is, and make his own decision as to how realistic it is. And he is then in a position to change.

而主动倾听这条路，相反地，不会对一个人的自我画像构成威胁。他不必去防御它。他得以去探察它，看清它的真实面目，然后自己决定：它究竟符不符合现实。这时，他才真正处在一个可以改变的位置上。

If I want to help a man reduce his defensiveness and become more adaptive, I must try to remove the threat of myself as his potential changer. As long as the atmosphere is threatening, there can be no effective communication. So I must create a climate which is neither critical, evaluative, nor moralizing. It must be an atmosphere of equality and freedom, permissiveness and understanding, acceptance and warmth. It is in this climate and this climate only that the individual feels safe enough to incorporate new experiences and new values into his concept of himself. Let's see how active listening helps to create this climate.

如果我想帮一个人减少防御、变得更能适应，我必须先把"我自己可能要去改变他"这件事，从他面前挪开。只要气氛里带着威胁，有效的沟通就不可能发生。所以我必须营造一种氛围——既不评判，也不论断，也不拿道德去量他。这氛围应当是平等而自由的，宽容而理解的，接纳而温暖的。只有在这样的氛围里，一个人才觉得自己足够安全，可以把新的经验、新的价值，接进他关于自己的那幅画像里。

WHAT TO AVOID

倾听里要避免的

When we encounter a person with a problem, our usual response is to try to change his way of looking at things--to get him to see his situation the way we see it, or would like him to see it. We plead, reason, scold, encourage, insult, prod--anything to bring about a change in the desired direction, that is, in the direction we want.him to travel. What we seldom realize, however, is that, under these circumstances, we are usually responding to our own needs to see the.world in certain ways. It is always difficult for us to tolerate and understand actions which are different from the ways in which we believe we should act. If, however, we can free ourselves from the need to influence and direct others in our own paths, we enable ourselves to listen with understanding, and thereby em- ploy the most potent available agent of change.

我们往往以为自己在倾听，但实际上，我们在做的事，常常是"如何立刻回应"、"如何辩驳"、"如何摆出更好的论点"——也就是说，在倾听的同时，我们已经在心里一边评价、一边准备反击了。这种自动的评价，会立即把对方所说的话滤成"对/错"、"值得/不值得"、"好/坏"——而这种过滤，恰好扼住了真正理解的咽喉。

One problem the listener faces is that of responding to demands for decisions, judgments, and evaluations. He is constantly called upon to agree or disagree with someone or something. Yet, as he well knows, the question or challenge frequently is a masked expression of feelings or needs which the speaker is far more anxious to communicate than he is to have the surface questions answered. Because he cannot speak these feelings openly, the speaker must disguise them to himself and to others in an acceptable form. To illustrate, let us examine some typical questions and the type of answers that might best elicit the feeling beneath it.

因此，主动倾听的第一条规矩，是：避免评价。这并不意味着我们没有观点，而是说——在倾听的那一段时间里，我们暂时把自己的评价悬置起来，让对方能讲出一个完整的意思。

Just whose responsibility is the tool room?

几条具体的做法

Do you feel that someone is challenging your authority in there?

1. 倾听完整的含义。不仅听字面，更要听字面背后的情感。任何讯息，其实由两层组成——内容的一层，和情感的一层。一个说"这项目完了"的员工，可能是在讲一件事，也可能在讲一种失望、一种愤怒、一种无助。真正的倾听者，会把这两层都接住。

Don't you think younger able people should be promoted before senior but less able ones?

2. 回应情感。内容有时只是情感的载体；而情感，才是讯息的真正核心。要让对方感到被听见，你回应的，必须是情感那一层。

It seems to you they should, I take it.

3. 留意一切信号。人传递意思，并不只靠话。姿势、表情、语气、呼吸、甚至沉默——都在透露更多。一名训练有素的倾听者，会用自己的眼睛，一并"听"这些线索。

What does the super expect us to do about those broken-down machines?

应当避免的反应

You're pretty disgusted with those machines aren't you?

说教。当我们以"应当如何如何"回应对方时，我们并没有在倾听——我们是在往他身上贴一套规则。这种反应会立即把对方封堵起来。

Don't you think I've improved over the last review period?

立刻给建议。大多数时候，当对方向你谈起一个问题，他真正需要的，并不是建议，而是被理解。过早给出的建议，等于告诉他："你自己找不到答案，得由我来给。"

Sounds as if you feel like you've really picked up over these last few months.

用"我"盖过"你"。当对方正在讲他自己时，如果你立即把话题扯向"我也曾经……"，你就把对话夺回来了。倾听的纪律，是让对方把他想讲的讲完——哪怕你心里早已想起一百件类似的故事。

These responses recognize the questions but leave the way open for the employee to say what is really bothering him. They allow the listener to participate in the problem or situation without shouldering all responsibility for decision-making or actions. This is a process of thinking with people instead of for or about them.

评判或贴标签。一旦给对方贴上"脆弱""难搞""情绪化"这样的标签，你就已经停止倾听了。

Passing judgment, whether critical or favorable, makes free expression difficult. Similarly, advice and information are almost always seen as efforts to change a person and thus serve as barriers to his self-expression and the development of a creative relationship. Moreover, advice is seldom taken and information hardly ever utilized. The eager young trainee probably will not become patient just because he is advised that, “The road to success in business is a long, difficult one, and you must be patient.” And it is no more helpful for him to learn that “only one out of a hundred trainees reach top management positions.”

什么是有益的回应

Interestingly, it is a difficult lesson to learn that positive evaluations are sometimes as blocking as negative ones. It is almost as destructive to the freedom of a relationship to tell a person that he is good or capable or right, as to tell him otherwise. To evaluate him positively may make it more difficult for him to tell of the faults that distress him or the ways in which he believes he is not competent.

最有效的回应，通常是一种试探性的复述——用你自己的话，把你所理解到的对方的意思与情感，转述回去。例如："听上去你觉得被为难了，是这样吗？"这样的回应有两个作用：一，它告诉对方你真的在听；二，它让对方听见自己刚刚说了什么——这往往会促使他把自己的感受看得更清。

Encouragement also may be seen as an attempt to motivate the speaker in certain directions or hold him off rather than as support. “l’m sure everything will work out O. K.” is not a helpful response to the person who is deeply discouraged about a problem.

要注意：这种复述并不是鹦鹉学舌。如果你只是机械地把话重复一遍，对方会觉得被戏弄。真正的复述，是你把对方的意思理解过、整合过之后，重新用你的话表达一次——带着对情感的觉察，也带着愿意被纠正的态度。

In other words, most of the techniques and devices common to human relationships are found to be of little use in establishing the type of relationship we are seeking here.

倾听中的静默

WHAT TO DO

很多人害怕沉默。一段停顿冒出来，我们本能地想用话把它填上。但在主动倾听里，沉默是有价值的——它给说话者一点时间，让他自己去把下一句话找出来。训练一名合格的倾听者，很大一部分内容，是训练他在沉默里不动声色，安然待下去。

Just what does active listening entail, then? Basically, it requires that we get inside the speaker, that we grasp, from his point of view, just what it is he is communicating to us. More than that, we must convey to the speaker that we are seeing things from his point of view. To listen actively, then, means that there are several things we must do.

对方的情绪突然强烈起来时

Listen for Total Meaning

在某些瞬间，对方的情绪会忽然变得强烈——愤怒、眼泪、挫败感、突然的坦白。这些时刻，是倾听者最需要稳住的时刻。不要急着"把情绪安抚下去"；那样做，实际上是在传达"你的情绪让我不舒服，请你收起来"。正确的姿态，是承认那份情绪——让它可以被表达出来，同时让对方知道：你并没有因此评判他。

Any message a person tries to get across usually has two components: the content of the message and the feeling or attitude underlying this content. Both are important, both give the message meaning. It is this total meaning of the message that we try to understand. For example, a machinist comes to his foreman and says, "I've finished that lathe set-up. " This message has obvious content and perhaps calls upon the foreman for another work assignment. Suppose, on the other hand, that he says, "Well, I'm finally finished with that damned lathe set-up.”The content is the same but the total meaning of the message has changed—and changed in an important way for both the foreman and the worker. Here sensitive listening can facilitate the relationship. Suppose the foreman were to respond by simply giving another work assignment. Would the employee feel that he had gotten his total message across? Would he feel free to talk to his foreman? Will he feel better about his job, more anxious to do good work on the next assignment?

这一条说起来容易，做起来难。大多数人本能上会躲开强烈情绪——转移话题，讲个笑话，或者干脆把"嗯，没事儿，没事儿"挂在嘴上。做一个懂倾听的管理者，意味着你必须训练自己——把情绪当作信息，而不是当作打扰。

Now, on the other hand, suppose the foreman were to respond with, ^“Glad to have it over with, huh?” or “Had a pretty rough time of it?” or ^“Guess you don't feel like doing anything like that again,” or anything else that tells the worker that he heard and understands. It doesn't necessarily mean that the next work assignment need be changed or that he must spend an hour listening to the worker complain about the set-up problems he encountered. He may do a number of things differently in the light of the new information he has from the worker—but not necessarily. It's just that extra sensitivity on the part of the foreman which can transform an average working climate into a good one.

问对问题

Respond to Feelings

倾听不是完全不发问；而是问得少、问得准。好的问题，是那种敞开的问题——让对方能够展开自己的思路。相反地，封闭性的问题（"你是不是生气了？"）往往把对方推进一个"是"或"否"的小格子里，而这通常不是他真正想停留的地方。

In some instances the content is far less important than the feeling which underlies it. To catch the full flavor or meaning of the message one must respond particularly to the feeling component. If, for instance, our machinist had said, "I'd like to melt this lathe down and make paper clips out of it," responding to content would be obviously absurd. But to respond to his disgust or anger in trying to work with his lathe recognizes the meaning of this message. There are various shadings of these components in the meaning of any message. Each time the listener must try to remain sensitive to the total meaning the message has to the speaker. What is he trying to tell me? What does this mean to him? How does he see this situation?

一句常见的好问题是："你能多说一些吗？"——一句非常朴素、却非常开放的邀请。另一句："这对你来说意味着什么？"——它把对话从事件层，带回到意义层。

Note All Cues

主动倾听的限度

Not all communication is verbal. The speaker's words alone don't tell us everything he is communicating. And hence , truly sensitive listening requires that we become aware of several kinds of communication besides verbal. The way in which a speaker hesitates in his speech can tell us much about his feelings. So too can the inflection of his voice. He may stress certain points loudly and dearly, and he may mumble others. We should also note such things as the person's facial expressions, body posture, hand movements, eye movements, and breathing. All of these help to convey his total message.

主动倾听并不是万能的。有些情境下，需要你给出明确的方向；有些情境下，需要你去决断、去采取行动。一位好的管理者，懂得在"倾听"与"指挥"之间切换。把主动倾听当作唯一的工具，跟把它完全忽视，是同等的错。

WHAT WE COMMUNICATE BY LISTENING

但——总的来说——大多数人更容易忽略倾听，而不是过度倾听。所以，我们要矫正的那一端，通常是倾听这一端。

The first reaction of most people when they consider listening as a possible method for dealing with human beings is that listening cannot be sufficient in itself. Because it is passive, they feel, listening does not communicate anything to the speaker. Actually, nothing could be farther from the truth.

倾听会不会让管理者变软？

By consistently listening to a speaker you are conveying the idea that: "I'm interested in you as a person, and I think that what you feel is important. I respect your thoughts, and even if I don't agree with them, I know that they are valid for you. I feel sure that you have a contribution to make. I'm not trying to change you or evaluate you. I just want to understand you. I think you' re worth listening to, and I want you to know that I'm the kind of a person you can talk to. "

这是许多管理者心里最大的担忧——"要是我变得太会倾听，我是不是会丧失权威？"恰恰相反。倾听并不等于同意，也不等于屈从。一位懂倾听的管理者，仍然可以做出艰难的决定；不同的是，他做决定时知道自己决定了什么——因为他真的了解了情况。

The subtle but most important aspect of this is that it is the demonstration of the message that works. While it is most difficult to convince someone that you respect him by telling him so, you are much more likely to get this message across by really behaving that way—by actually having and demonstrating respect for this person. Listening does this most effectively.

事实上，倾听会让权威更坚实。因为团队里的每一个人都能感到："他了解我在说什么。"一种被理解的团队，比一种被命令的团队，更愿意把事情做成。

Like other behavior, listening behavior is contagious. This has implications for all communications problems, whether between two people, or within a large organization. To insure good communication between associates up and down the line, one must first take the responsibility for setting a pattern of listening. Just as one learns that anger is usually met with anger, argument with argument, and deception with deception, one can learn that listening can be met with listening. Every person who feels responsibility in a situation can set the tone of the interaction, and the important lesson in this is that any behavior exhibited by one person will eventually be responded to with similar behavior in the other person.

练就这门功课

It is far more difficult to stimulate constructive behavior in another person but far more profitable. Listening is one of these constructive behaviors, but if one's attitude is to "wait out" the speaker rather than really listen to him, it will fail. The one who consistently listens with understanding. However, is the one who eventually is most likely to be listened to. If you really want to be heard and understood by another, you can develop him· as a potential listener, ready for new ideas, provided you can first develop yourself in these ways and sincerely listen with understanding and respect.

像任何一门功课一样，主动倾听需要练习。你不会因为读了这本书就会了——你会因为一次一次在真实的对话里把它做出来而会了。一开始会别扭；你会忘记；你会突然发现自己又在评价、又在给建议、又在抢回话头。这时，轻轻把自己带回到倾听的位置上——就像冥想中，把飘走的心思轻轻带回呼吸。

TESTING FOR UNDERSTANDING

随着时间积累，这一种姿态会变成你的第二本性。你会发现，你周围的人开始主动向你倾诉——因为他们在你这里，感到了一种很少见的东西：被听见。

Because understanding another person is actually far more difficult than it at first seems, it is important to test constantly your ability to see the world in the way the speaker sees it. You can do this by reflecting in your own words what the speaker seems to mean by his words and actions. His response to this will tell you whether or not he feels understood. A good rule of thumb is to assume that one never really understands until he can communicate this understanding to the other's satisfaction.

小结

Here is an experiment to test your skill in listening. The next time you become involved in a lively or controversial discussion with another person, stop for a moment and suggest that you adopt this ground rule for continued discussion: Before either participant in the discussion can make a point or express an opinion of his own, he must first restate aloud the previous point or position of the other person. This restatement must be in his own words (merely parroting the words of another does not prove that one has understood, but only that he has heard the words). The restatement must be accurate enough to satisfy the speaker before the listener can be allowed to speak for himself.

主动倾听的核心，不在于技法，而在于态度。一种真心相信对方"值得被听见"的态度。技法，只是这种态度在行为上的显影。

This is something you could try in your own discussion group. Have someone express himself on some topic of emotional concern to the group. Then, before another member expresses his own feelings and thought, he must rephrase the meaning expressed by the previous speaker to that individual's satisfaction. Note the changes in the emotional climate and the quality of the discussion when you try this.

当你把这种态度带进你的关系——无论工作上还是家中——你会发现：很多原本以为无法解决的难题，开始自己朝解决那一边挪去了。因为事情的打结处，往往不在事情本身，而在人们没有感到"我被真正听见"这一层之下。

ACTIVE LISTENING IS not an easy skill to acquire. It demands practice. Perhaps more important, it may require changes in pur own basic attitudes. These changes come slowly and sometimes with considerable difficulty. Let us look at some of the major problems in active listening and what can be done to overcome them.

主动倾听并不是一门容易习得的能力。它需要练习。或许更重要的是——它可能要求使用者在最基本的一些态度上，做出改变。在这些变化真正发生之前，使用者会遇上许多实际的难题。本章要讨论的，正是这些难题。

THE PERSONAL RISK

个人风险

To be effective at all in active listening, one must have a sincere interest in the speaker. We all live in glass houses as far as our attitudes are concerned. They always show through. And if we are only making a pretense of interest in the speaker, he will quickly pick this up, either consciously or unconsciously. And once he does, he will no longer express himself freely.

要在主动倾听这件事上真正有效，一个人必须对讲话者怀有真诚的兴趣。我们每个人都住在玻璃屋里。我们都怕被看穿，怕在他人面前暴露弱点。真正敞开地去倾听另一个人，意味着你也愿意在某种程度上被对方看见——被对方的情感触动，被对方的困境感染，甚至可能在那一刻改变自己原本的立场。

Active listening carries a strong element of personal risk. If we manage to accomplish what we are describing here—to sense deeply the feelings of another person, to understand the meaning his experiences have for him, to see the world as he sees it—we risk being changed ourselves. For example, if we permit ourselves to listen our way into the psychological life of a labor leader or agitator—to get the meaning which life has for him—we risk coming to see the world as he sees it. It is threatening to give up, even momentarily, what we believe and start thinking in someone else's terms. It takes a great deal of inner security and courage to be able to risk one's self in understanding another.

这本身就是一种风险。因为当你真正倾听时，你无法再稳稳地躲在自己已有的观点与角色之后了。倾听使你袒露；而袒露，让人紧张。

For the supervisor, the courage to take another's point of view generally means that he must see himself through another's eyes—he must be able to see himself as others see him. To do this may sometimes be unpleasant, but it is far more difficult than unpleasant. We are so accustomed to viewing ourselves in certain ways—to seeing and hearing only what we want to see and hear—that it is extremely difficult for a person to free himself from his needs to see things these ways.

很多人之所以在实际工作中无法做到主动倾听，并不是因为他们学不会技法，而是因为他们内心深处不愿冒这份风险。他们宁可站在一个"我说你听"的位置上——因为那里让他们觉得安全。

Developing an attitude of sincere interest in the speaker is thus no easy task. It can be developed only by being willing to risk seeing the world from the speaker's point of view. If we have a number of such experiences, however, they will shape an attitude which will allow us to be truly genuine in our interest in the speaker.

敌意的表达

HOSTILE EXPRESSIONS

当一位员工向你袒露敌意——对公司、对管理层、甚至对你本人——主动倾听就来到它最难的一关。我们本能的第一反应，是防御："你说得不对！"或者"我其实为你做了那么多！"一旦我们掉进这种反应里，倾听便立即中止。

The listener will often hear negative, hostile expressions directed at himself. Such-expressions are always hard to listen to. No one likes to hear hostile actions or words. And it is not easy to get to the point where one is strong enough to permit these attacks without finding it necessary to defend himself or retaliate.

但倾听敌意，并不等于同意敌意。它只是意味着：你允许那份情绪存在，你承认它的存在是有原因的，你愿意先去了解那原因，再说下一步怎么办。在很多情形里，一旦敌意被真正倾听过一次，它的强度反而会减退——因为对方原本需要的，正是"我的愤怒被听见"这件事。

Because we all fear that people will crumble under the attack of genuine negative feelings, we tend to perpetuate an attitude of pseudo-peace. It is as if we cannot tolerate conflict at all for fear of the damage it could do to us, to the situation, to the others involved. But of course the real damage is done to all these by the denial and suppression of negative feelings.

难处在于：我们大多数人没被训练过去"承受"情绪。我们被训练的是"处理"情绪——把它们抚平、压下、或者跳过。承受，恰恰需要我们克服这种旧习惯。

OUT-OF-PLACE EXPRESSIONS

错位的情绪

There is also the problem of out-of-place expressions, expressions dealing with behavior which is not usually acceptable in our society. In the extreme forms that present themselves before psychotherapists, expressions of sexual perversity or homicidal fantasies are often found blocking to the listener because of their obvious threatening quality. At less extreme levels, we all find unnatural or inappropriate behavior difficult to handle. That is, anything from an "off-color" story told in mixed company to seeing a man weep is likely to produce a problem situation.

有时，对方在你面前发泄的情绪，并不真的是针对你。一个男人因为早上和太太吵了架，到公司后对下属异常严厉；一个员工因为担心父母的健康，对一个小错误反应过度。这些情绪看上去"打错了地方"——但我们若能看见这一点，就不会把它们一五一十地当成对自己的攻击。

In any face-to-face situation, we will find instances of this type which will momentarily, if not permanently, block any communication. In business and industry any expressions of weakness or incompetency will generally be regarded as unacceptable and therefore will block good two-way communication. For example, it is difficult to listen to a supervisor tell of his feelings of failure in being able to "take charge" of a situation in his department because all administrators are supposed to be able to "take charge. "

主动倾听者的任务之一，是帮助对方看见自己情绪的来源——不是用分析的方式，而是用一种耐心的、非评判的在场。有时，这只需要一句简单的："听起来今天对你来说很不容易。"一句这样的回应，常常会让对方自己停下来，想一想："对，我其实是为了别的事在气。"

ACCEPTING POSITIVE FEELINGS

接纳正面情绪的代价

It is both interesting and perplexing to note that negative or hostile feelings or expressions are much easier to deal with in any face-to-face relationship than are truly and deeply positive feelings. This is especially true for the business man because the culture expects him to be independent, bold, clever, and aggressive and manifest no feelings of warmth, gentleness, and intimacy. He therefore comes to regard these feelings as soft and inappropriate. But no matter how they are regarded, they remain a human need. The denial of these feelings in himself and his associates does not get the executive out oi the problem of dealing with them. They simply become veiled and confused. If recognized they would work for the total effort; unrecognized, they work against it.

这也许听上去奇怪——但接纳正面情绪，有时比接纳负面情绪更难。当一个下属告诉你："和你共事让我非常喜欢"，你的第一反应可能是一阵别扭——你想把它笑着推开，你想降低它，你想转移话题。

EMOTIONAL DANGER SIGNALS

为什么？因为正面情绪也会让我们暴露。它意味着一种联结已经成立；它意味着我们已经不再是纯粹的"职务上"的关系，而是已经有了一层人与人的牵连。对许多管理者而言，这种牵连同样带有威胁。

The listener's own emotions are sometimes a barrier to active listening. When emotions are at their height, when listening is most necessary, it is most difficult to set, aside one's own concerns and be understanding. Our emotions are often our own worst enemies when we try to become listeners. The more involved and invested we are in a particular situation or problem, the less we are likely to be willing or able to listen to the feelings and attitudes of others. That is, the more we find it necessary to respond to our own needs, the less we are able to respond to the needs of another. Let us look at some of the main danger signals that warn us that our emotions may be interfering with our listening.

懂得倾听者会学着接住这些正面情绪——不把它们推开，也不夸大其词——只是：承认它，让它留在对话里，然后继续。

Defensiveness

时间的难题

The points about which one is most vocal and dogmatic, the points which one is most anxious to impose on others—these are always the points one is trying to talk oneself into believing. So one danger signal becomes apparent when you find yourself stress'ing a point or trying to convince another. It is at 'these times that you are likely to be less secure and consequently less able to listen.

"我没有时间做主动倾听。"——这是许多管理者第一个提出的异议。说实话，倾听的确需要时间。一场真正到位的对话，不可能用两分钟打发。

Resentment of Opposition

但经验告诉我们：那些"没有时间倾听"的管理者，往往花更多的时间在救火——因为小的问题被忽略了，长成了大的问题；因为员工之间的小裂缝没人认真看过，裂成了大的裂痕。

It is always easier to listen to an idea which is similar to one of your own than to an opposing view. Sometimes, in order to clear the air, it is helpful to pause for a mom.ent when you feel your ideas and position being challenged, reflect on the situation, and express your concern to the speaker.

主动倾听不是"额外的"时间投入——它是一种转移。把你原本花在处理问题后果上的时间，转移一部分到上游——在问题刚冒头时就把它看见、听见、接住。从这个角度看，倾听实际上省下了大量的时间。

Clash of Personalities

真诚的难题

Here again, our experience has consistently shown us that the genuine expression of feelings on the part of the listener will be more helpful in developing a sound relationship than the suppression of them. This is so whether the feelings be resentment, hostility, threat, or admiration. A basically honest relationship, whatever the nature of it, is the most productive of all. The other party becomes secure when he learns that the listener can express his feelings honestly and openly to him. We should keep this in mind when we begin to fear a clash of personalities in the listening relationship. Otherwise, fear of our own emotions will choke off full expression of feelings.

主动倾听，要求真诚。可是"真诚"本身是一种不容易的东西——我们不能假装真诚。一旦我们试图"演"出关心，员工会在几秒钟内看穿。真诚不是一个可以打开又关上的开关——它是一种长期修养的状态。

LISTENING TO OURSELVES

所以，与其问"我该如何听得更好"，不如先问："我是否真的把面前这个人，当作一个有价值、有判断力、值得我尊重的人来看？"——如果这个底层问题没有得到一个真诚的"是"，任何倾听的技法都撑不起来。

To listen to oneself is a prerequisite to listening to others. And it is often an effective means of dealing with the problems we have outlined above. When we are most aroused, excited, and demanding, we are least able to understand our own feelings and attitudes. Yet, in dealing with the problems of others, it becomes most important to be sure of one's own position, values, and needs.

小结

The ability to recognize and understand the meaning which a particular episode has for you, with all the feelings which it stimulates in you, and the ability to express this meaning when you find it getting in the way of active listening, will clear the air and enable you once again to be free to listen. That is, if some person or situation touches off feelings within you which tend to block your attempts to listen with understanding, begin listening to yourself. It is much more helpful in developing effective relationships to avoid suppressing these feelings. Speak them out as clearly as you can, and try to enlist the other person as a listener to your feelings. A person's listening ability is limited by his ability to listen to himself.

主动倾听的这些"难题"，其实都不是技术难题。它们是人的难题——关于一个人是否愿意让自己被看见、是否愿意承受另一个人的情感、是否愿意把真诚放在便捷之前。越过这些难题的方法，不是"练得更熟"，而是"活得更深"。

“HOW CAN LISTENING improve production?”

"倾听究竟怎样能把生产力提上去？"

“We're in business, and it's a rugged, fast, competitive affair. How are we going to find time to counsel our employees?”

"我们是在做生意——一门节奏快、竞争激烈、艰苦残酷的生意。哪来的时间给员工做咨询？"

“We have to concern ourselves with organizational problems first.”

"我们得先把组织的问题处理掉。"

“We can't afford to spend all day listening when there's a job to be done.”

这几句话，是许多管理者在第一次听说"主动倾听"时的本能反应。它们背后藏着一个更深的假设：倾听是"软"的事，生意是"硬"的事；两者之间，至多打个擦边球。

“What's morale got to do with production?”

本章要主张的恰恰相反——主动倾听，不只是一门人际温情的功课。它直接关系到"公司目标"本身：生产力、留存、适应力、乃至创新。

“Sometimes we have to sacrifice an individual for the good of the rest of the people in the company.”

生产力的两条路

Those of us who are trying to advance the listening approach in industry hear these comments frequently. And because they are so honest and legitimate, they pose a real problem. Unfortunately, the answers are not so clear-cut as the questions.

密歇根大学调查研究中心的一份报告指出¹：那些在生产力指标上持续领先的一线主管，与那些落后者之间最显著的区别，并不在于他们对工序有多熟，而在于——他们把更大比例的时间，花在与下属的人际互动上。

INDIVIDUAL IMPORTANCE

换句话说，生产力最高的主管，是最会倾听的那一批主管。这个发现，对许多习惯性把"人"和"产量"对立起来的管理者，是一剂清醒药。

One answer is based on an assumption that is central to the listening approach. That assumption is: the kind of behavior which helps the individual will eventually be the best thing that could be done for the group. Or saying it another way: the things that are best for the individual are best for the company. This is a conviction of ours, based on our experience in psychology and education. The research evidence from industry is only beginning to come in. We find that putting the group first, at the expense of the individual, besides being an uncomfortable individual experience, does not unify the group. In fact, it tends to make the group less a group. The members become anxious and suspicious.

在对文员、铁路工人与重工业工人的研究里都表明：那些生产记录更好的主管，把更大比例的时间花在"主管的职能"上——尤其是工作中的人际面。生产较低的那一批主管，更倾向于把时间花在与员工相同的具体工序任务上，或花在文书工作上²。

We are not at all sure in just what ways the group does benefit from a concern demonstrated for an individual, but we have several strong leads. One is that the group feels more secure when an individual member is being listened to and provided for with concern and sensitivity. And we assume that a secure group will ultimately be a better group. When each individual feels that he need not fear exposing himself to the group, he is likely to contribute more freely and spontaneously. When the leader of a group responds to the individual, puts the individual first, the other members of the group will follow suit, and the group comes to act as a unit in recognizing and responding to the needs of a particular member. This positive, constructive action seems to be a much more satisfying experience for a group than the experience of dispensing with a member.

员工的适应

LISTENING AND PRODUCTION

一个被倾听过的员工，会开始更好地倾听自己。他看清自己的感受，看清自己的阻碍，也看清自己真正的目标在哪里。这种自我清晰，让他对工作中的摩擦、变化、甚至偶发的挫败，都更有适应力。

As to whether or not listening or any other activity designed to better human relations in an industry actually raises production—whether morale has a definite relationship to production is not known for sure. There are some who frankly hold that there is no relationship to be expected between morale and production—that production often depends upon the social misfit, the eccentric, or the isolate. And there are some who simply choose to work in a climate of co-operation and harmony, in a high-morale group, quite aside from the question of increased production.

相反地，一个从未被倾听过的员工，往往对变化抱着防御的态度。每一次岗位调整、流程改动、组织重组——对他都构成威胁，因为他的自我画像始终未被他自己看清，外界的任何变化都会让他感到不安。

A report from the Survey Research Center Michigan on research conducted at the Prudential Life Insurance Company lis seven findings relating to production and morale. First-line supervisors in high-production work groups were found to differ from those in low-production groups in that they:

公司的隐性成本

After mentioning that other dimensions of morale, such as identification with the company, intrinsic job satisfaction, and satisfaction with job status, were not found significantly related to productivity, the report goes on to suggest the following psychological interpretation:

每一家公司都承担着一份"没被倾听"的隐性成本——那份成本不会出现在季度报表里，但它真实存在：员工带病上班的那几个下午、同事之间的小冷战、未能及时提出的好点子、悄悄准备跳槽的那些月。这些微小的、分散的损耗，加总起来，是一笔可观的损失。

People are more effectively motivated when they are given some degree of freedom in the way in which they do their work than when every action is prescribed in advance. They do better when some degree of decision-making about their jobs is possible than when all decisions are made for them. They respond more adequately when they are treated as personalities than as cogs in a machine. In short if the ego motivations of self-determination, of self-expression, of a sense of personal worth can be tapped, the individual can be more effectively energized. The use of external sanctions, or pressuring for production may work to some degree, but not to the extent that the more internalized motives do. When the individual comes to identify himself with his job and with the work of his group, human resources are much more fully utilized in the production process.

主动倾听，是对这笔成本的一种细水长流的回收。

The Survey Research Center1 has also conducted studies among workers in other industries. In discussing the results of these studies, Robert L. Kahn writes:

并非纯粹的善意

In the studies of clerical workers, railroad workers, and workers in heavy industry, the supervisors with the better production records gave ·a larger proportion of their time to supervisory functions, especially to the interpersonal aspects of their jobs. The supervisors of the lower-producing ·sections were more likely to spend their time in tasks which the men themselves were performing. or in the paper-work aspects of their Jobs2.

有些读者会问："那这是不是一件——纯粹出于善意——的事？"不。主动倾听是出于善意，但并不止于善意。它是一门对"公司目标"而言极其实在的技艺。一家真正在乎生产力、在乎人才留存、在乎应变能力的公司，会把倾听当作一项战略性能力，而不是一种福利式的点缀。

MAXIMUM CREATIVENESS

我们觉得，这种路径承认了一件事：在任何一家公司里，人们每时每刻都在进行一场"秘密投票"——他们在投票支持或反对自己的主管。一张"赞成票"会以合作、团队协作、理解与产量这几种形式显现出来。要赢下这场秘密投票，每一位主管都必须分担他团队的困境，并真正为他们奔走³。

There may never be enough research evidence to satisfy everyone on this question. But speaking from a business point of view, in terms of the problem of developing resources for production. the maximum creativeness and productive effort of the human beings in the organization are the richest untapped source of power still existing. The difference between the maximum productive capacity of people and that output which industry is now realizing is immense. We simply suggest that this maximum capacity might be closer to realization if we sought to release the motivation that already exists within people rather than try to stimulate them externally.

不是"柔和的管理"，而是"增长的进路"

This releasing of the individual is made possible first of all by sensitive listening. with respect and understanding. Listening is a beginning toward making the individual feel himself worthy of making contributions, and this could result in a very dynamic and productive organization. Competitive business is never too rugged or too busy to take time to procure the most efficient technological advances or to develop rich raw material resources. But these in comparison to the resources that are already within the people in the plant are paltry. This is industry's major procurement problem.

主动倾听，是一种"让人生长"的进路。它最见效的时刻，是它自然地从一种对员工真正的尊重里生发出来——不是被硬贴上去的技法，不是为了完成某份员工满意度指标的权宜之计。

G. L. Clements, president of Jewel Tea Co., Inc., in talking about the collaborative approach to management says:

一位懂倾听的管理者，并不比一位严厉的管理者更"软"。他只是——在必要的时候依然做艰难的决定，但在做决定之前，真正看清了每一张脸。

We feel that this type of approach recognizes that there is a secret ballot going on at all times among the people in any business. They vote for or against their supervisors. A favorable vote for the supervisor shows up in the co- operation, teamwork, understanding, and production of the group. To win this secret ballot, each supervisor must share the problems of his group and work for them.3

回到最初的问题

The decision to spend time listening to his employees is a decision each supervisor or executive has to make for himself. Executives seldom have much to do with products or processes. They have to deal with people who must in turn deal with people who will deal with products or processes. The higher one goes up the line the more he will be concerned with human relations problems, simply because people are all he has to work with.The minute we take a man from his bench and make him a foreman he is removed from the basic production of goods and now must begin relating to individuals instead of nuts and bolts. People are different from things, and our foreman is called upon for a different line of skills completely. His new tasks call upon him to be a special kind of a person. The development of himself as a listener is a first step in becoming this special person.

回到本章开头的那三句质问——"倾听怎样把生产力提上去？""哪来的时间做咨询？""不是该先处理组织的问题吗？"——现在，或许答案自己浮了出来：生产力、时间、组织问题——这三者最深的根，都扎在同一件事上：人们是否感到被听见。解决这件事，就从第一次认真的倾听开始。